Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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