He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
