Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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