ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
