I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
vagina is talking i cant
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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