guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
