She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
