I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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