i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
