Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
