Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
