this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
