Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
