these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
