I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
