tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
