My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
