do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just made my gag reflex go away.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
