You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
