i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
