I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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