This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
