you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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