this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
