Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
two words...techno handjob
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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