I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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