never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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