my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
