Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
