I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
