Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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