I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
