so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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