It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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