I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
