a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
