I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
