fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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