I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
