Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
