Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's the barista slut.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
