We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
