evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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