Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
