you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
