So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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