he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
