No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am one with the molecules
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
