Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
