but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
