I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
