Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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