I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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