There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
