it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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