If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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