I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The Olympian is in my bed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
